How you can help them

Remember, however difficult you are finding it to process the situation, it must be even worse for your friend or relative who has been raped or sexually assaulted. It can be very tough, but they need your support now probably more than they ever will again. Try to remain calm and do the following until we can get them into our care:

• It may be very hard to do, but try and remain calm. Your friend or relative will very likely be far from calm but they will need you to be strong for them
• Listen to them, but do not push them for details. They will tell you as much or as little as they want to and it is important you respect them
• Never ask why the assault or rape happened. It is not their fault. They did not ask for it and the exact circumstances do not matter
• Be very patient with them and don’t tell them to forget about the event or push it to the back of their minds
• Let them know that you believe what they are telling you. This is very important
• They may be very upset, angry, confused and even crying. Allow them to show their emotions however they are dealing with it, even if it may upset you
• You can also read through our longer guide on how to support a victim of sexual assault or rape

We know that you are probably not trained to deal with these situations, and that’s OK. We can only ask that you do your best to support the person you are concerned about until we can get them into our care.

After you speak to us

We will arrange for the person you are concerned about to visit us as soon as we can. For very recent incidents, we will do our very best to get them to one of our centres within an hour or two. If you are sure that they are completely safe, we ask that you help or encourage the person you care about to do the following as these things may be helpful in a criminal investigation into their rape or sexual assault:

• Avoid having a shower, bath or washing their hands
• Avoid cleaning their teeth
• Avoid eating or drinking unless they have to for medical reasons
• If they absolutely need a drink, make sure it is non-alcoholic and give them a straw if possible. Keep hold of the straw and drink container and store them in a bag
• Tell them not to smoke
• If they need the toilet, get them to collect a sample of urine if possible. If this sample could be kept in the fridge in a clean container with a note of the time and date that they used the toilet, this would be very helpful
• Get them to keep any toilet tissue that they may have used and put it in a bag
• Tell them not to brush their hair
• Ask girls to keep any sanitary towels or tampons worn at the time of the incident or since the incident and keep them in separate bags
• Ask them if there are any used condoms from the incident and get them to keep them in separate bags
• If they can avoid changing their clothes, get them to come to us in the same clothes they were wearing during the incident
• If they have changed clothes, try and get them to bring the clothes they were wearing during the incident in bags, (unwashed if they haven’t washed them already) with each item kept separate from each other if possible
• Get them to bring any bedding from the time of the incident
• Get them to bring anything their abuser may have come into contact with in a bag. This includes items such as: a cup they may have drunk from; chewing gum; cigarette ends; items of their clothing; jewellery; any other belongings
• Prepare some spare clothes for them to change into if they are still wearing the same clothes the incident happened in
• Try not to disturb the place where the incident happened (except for anything else we have asked on this list) and get them to try to keep everything the same as there may be evidence to collect

Remember: Everyone’s safety is the most important thing. If it will put you or the person you are concerned about in danger to take any of these steps, don’t do it. Either contact the police or follow the advice we have given you over the phone.

Please do not worry if they have already done some of these things, and do not make them feel guilty if they did not tell you about the incident right away. There could still be evidence to collect if you get in contact with us as soon as you can.

Information for Children Under 13

We’ve written a guide for children under the age of 13 which explains what happens when you come to the centre.
The guide is available as a PDF, so you can view it on your computer or print a copy.

Under 13s Guide