Someone I know was raped or sexually assaulted more than 10 days ago

How you can help them

Remember, however difficult you are finding it to process the situation, it must be even worse for your friend or relative who has been raped or sexually assaulted. It can be very tough, but they need your support now probably more than they ever will again. Try to remain calm and do the following until we can get them into our care:

• It may be very hard to do, but try and remain calm. They will very likely be far from calm but they will need you to be strong for them
• Listen to them, but do not push them for details. They will tell you as much or as little as they want to and it is important you respect them
• Never ask why the assault or rape happened. It is NOT their fault. They did not ask for it and it does not matter what the exact circumstances were
• Be very patient with them and don’t tell them to forget about the event or push it to the back of their minds
• Let them know that you believe what they are telling you. This is very important
• They may be very upset, angry, confused and even crying. Allow them to show their emotions however they dealing with it even if it may upset you
• You can also read through our longer guide on how to support a victim of sexual assault or rape

We know that you are probably not trained to deal with these situations, and that’s OK. We can only ask that you do your best to support the person you are concerned about until we can get them into our care.

After you speak to us

If we are sure nobody is in any immediate danger, we will arrange for the person you are concerned about to come and see us at some time in the next 5 days, or on a day that suits them, after we speak to you on the phone. If we advise you over the phone that they require a medical and forensic examination, they may be asked to bring some things with them to help with any possible investigation into their abuse. They may have told you about their assault not long after the incident but did not want you to contact us. Sometimes, people may have read the advice on our page for incidents less than 10 days ago and taken some of the steps, but chose not to contact us. This is fairly common and neither you nor the person you care about should worry. But, if it applies to them, we may ask you over the phone to get them to do some of the following:

• Get them to bring along any clothing or bedding from the time of the incident (even if it has been washed as it may still contain evidence)
• If they have saved a sample of urine from after the incident, they should bring this with them
• If they have kept any toilet tissue, sanitary towels or tampons from near the time of the incident, they should bring this with them
• If they have anything that their abuser may have come into contact with, bring this along. This may include: cigarette ends; cups/straws they drank from; items of their clothing; jewellery; chewing gum
• If they have kept any condoms used in the incident, they should bring these with them
• If you or they have anything that gives some evidence of the incident, such as photographs of injuries on a phone, ask them to bring these

Remember: Everyone’s safety is the most important thing. If it will put you or the person you are concerned about in danger to take any of these steps, don’t do it. Either contact the police or follow the advice we have given you over the phone.

Please do not worry if you or they can’t bring any of these things, and do not make them feel guilty if they did not tell you about the incident right away. There could still be evidence to collect if you get in contact with us as soon as you can.

Information for Children Under 13

We’ve written a guide for children under the age of 13 which explains what happens when you come to the centre.
The guide is available as a PDF, so you can view it on your computer or print a copy.

Under 13s Guide